Men at Work by Denison, Bangs, Davidson

So this book was on the display of books that have been reduced; I can never walk by that display. I always have to buy something. Sometimes I luck out. I found Denise Mina that way. All I can say about Men at Work is that it only cost $4.99- and it was worth about one third of that because the second and third stories were so bad, I couldn’t even finish them.

So, yeah, this book is supposed to be “three sizzling tales of men who are good with their hands.” Okay- what?

If you can believe it, there’s actually a review.

Trust me- if you’re looking for smut I can recommend some great stuff. I can’t recommend this.

Carrie’s Story by Molly Weatherfield

Man, it’s hard to find good porn. And I was hopeful about this book, I truly was. Apparently I have been spoiled by the Internet, though. Or perhaps I am just more perverse than I thought I was. Perhaps, five years ago this book would have shocked me…or made me hot. But…now?

Carrie’s Story
is exactly what the title says it is- Carrie’s account of being a sexual slave to Jonathan, a rich, good-looking guy with a penchant for having his shoes licked and beating Carrie’s perfect ass.

Carrie’s a smart cookie. She analyzes every little thing that happens to her and makes no apology for the fact that s/m turns her on. And, to her credit, Weatherfield doesn’t make any apology for it either. She acknowledges that whatever floats the boat between consenting adults- even if that means acting like a pony- is fine by her. And she writes about it intelligently.

But for me it was just so-so in the erotic department. I guess I just like my porn to be, well, pornier.

Blood Red by Sharon Page

Sharon Page’s book Blood Red is basically 347 pages of sex scenes linked together by a plot that is so nonsensical, I stopped paying attention to it.

Althea Yates is a vampire hunter in England circa 1818. For a while now she’s been having these strange and highly erotic dreams and she is shocked when, one night at the inn where she and her father are staying, one of the men in her dreams (there’s two, naturally) shows up.

He’s Yannick. A perfect specimen. But drat, he’s a vampire.

His brother, Sebastien (known as Bastien in the novel) is also a vampire. Together they are known as The Demon Twins. And once Althea and her father release Bastien from his tomb, where he’s been languishing these last ten years, he and Yannick set about introducing virginal (but up for just about anything) Althea to the delights of the flesh.

Yannick and Bastien aren’t like any vampires I’ve ever encountered. Soulless they may be, but they never kill for food, they can shoot bolts of coloured energy from their hands and they have a reflection. Apparently they have a few other vampire tricks up their sleeves, too.

Reading Blood Red was like eating a bowl of chips- absolutely no redeeming nutritional value, but tasty enough.

Hot Spell by Leigh, Walker, Brook

Oh dear. I bought Hot Spell on a whim, intrigued by the promise of ‘paranormal passion’. What I got were four rather tame novellas rife with cliched descriptions of sex with four perfect men.

In the first story, The Countesses’s Pleasure, the heroine Georgiana DuBarry hooks up with an indentured demon, Sawai. Recently widowed, Georgiana hires Sawai to deflower her, because although she had positive feelings for her husband- theirs was a sexless marriage. Sawai is hot!hot!hot! and brings Georgiana to the pleasure of the title many times over…and in less time than it takes for you to say ‘multiple orgasms’, they’ve fallen in love.

In Leigh’s story, The Breed Next Door, Tarek Jordan is a member of the Feline Breed on an undercover stakeout. One might think he’s scouting for coffee and fresh-baked bread because he does quite a bit of drooling over the smells coming from his neighbour, Lyra’s, kitchen. There’s a convoluted plot, of course, but it turns out that Lyra is Tarek’s mate. So, there’s sex…and a happy ending.

In Falling for Anthony by Meljean Brook, a young doctor is granted the opportunity to come back from the dead as a Guardian, to help the sister of his childhood friend recover from a vampire’s bite. (And when he does recover, he’s one of those sweet vampire types, apparently.)

And finally, werewolves battle vampires in The Blood Kiss by Shiloh Walker. The prize, Julianna Capriet (um- obvious much? of why not call her Capulet – she may as well have been, the story is a total rip off of Shakespeare’s play) is the daughter of the Vampire King…but her heart belongs to Roman, the Wolf King. La la la.

Three of the women in these stories are virgins, ripe for the taking. The men are all perfect specimens. There are lots of sighs and moans and breaching of virgin tissue. I might have loved this book 20 years ago- but for my money- fanfiction is a hundred times better.

A good book for the beach- you won’t be heartbroken if you leave it in the sand.